Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out

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Parenting adult children: it’s one of the most difficult—and yet least discussed—life transitions facing today’s boomers. Toddler tantrums and teen hormones were no picnic, but there is an abundance of resources available for those stages of parenting—not so much for how to parent adult children, though. That’s why we’ve created this guide. Use this as a resource hub and reference it for tools, tips, and strategies so you can better navigate this challenging time in your adult children’s lives. When Your Children Become Adult Children

Are you struggling to connect with your child now that they've left the nest? Are you feeling the tension and heartache as your relationship dynamic begins to change? In Doing Life with Your Adult Children, bestselling author and parenting expert Jim Burns provides practical advice and hopeful encouragement for navigating this tough yet rewarding transition. I also agreed with his encouragement to be the fun grandparent to your babies' babies. Leave the parenting to the parents while you create a warm, safe, encouraging space for your grandchildren to enjoy. In the beginning, you think the hardest part of parenting comes with diapers, bottles, and sleepless nights with a crying infant. It isn't until your kids start growing up that you realize each phase brings a unique set of challenges. Toddlers put everything in their mouths, refuse to eat, fight sleep, and climb on everything. Adolescents have no concept of money and don't realize that writing in marker on their dresser drawers, jumping on the couch feet first, or throwing a ball in the house can result in mom and dad having to come up with the money to replace furniture or appliances they hadn't budgeted for that month. Teenagers come with hormones and a search for identity that often result in emotional outbursts of one kind or another. Most parents think that's the worst of it and in many ways it is. Yet, adult children present their own challenges.

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We will offer valuable insight and gives us helpful tips for this sometimes awkward aspect of relationship with adult children. When I have asked him if he has talked to her it’s always an excuse and then sometimes I don’t think he does tell her because the things I have complained about it is still happening. I don’t know I guess, I am here because I am to my breaking point and I feel like having the same conversation just isn’t sufficing. I truly feel like I am going insane. This is most of my stress. I feel like I am being taken advantage of. I have done plenty for her an him but I just feel like it is a take and take some more kind of environment. Make room for significant others in their lives.It may be hard to share your children with their significant others, but these relationships are an important stage in their launch toward independence. Be open-minded and gracious as you meet this person and find ways to get to know them without being too pushy or critical. This doesn’t necessarily mean letting go of adult children but giving them the room to grow and learn at their own pace. Enabling behavior shields people from experiencing the full impact and consequences of their behavior.

Failing to recognize this comes into play in preparing a child for society, but also, failing to recognize this may place more blame on the parents of a wandering child than is warranted. As the old saying goes, God is the perfect Parent, but look at how His children turned out! Adult children seem to like to loudly proclaim their adulthood and rights and smarts while not acting exactly mature! Us more seasoned in life have a bigger perspective so tend to be more compassionate. Lo and behold!! but even our tolerance and kindness can be used against us. It can be like watching a bratty little kid pulling a hissy fit with us going let’s calm down and talk. People calm down and talk when they truly want to and not a minute sooner. Everybody does what they want to do! Cause we are all prone to this! Adult kids especially!Jim Burns, Ph.D., President of HomeWord is the host of the HomeWord with Jim Burns daily half-hour, daily one-minute, and weekly half-hour radio programs. His passion is communicating to adults and young people practical truths to help them live out their Christian lives. One reviewer called this book a Dr. Phil-like book. Some complained that there was so much scripture; others that there was hardly any. I would've said that there was a scant amount, but that it was there. I'm guessing maybe 6 passages for the entire 9 chapters. I could be wrong. There could have been more. But it wasn't expository in that it wasn't pulling out the meaning of the passages and then applying them. They were just part of the thought-flow.

My adult 37 year old daughter, bought a condo with me when my husband died suddenly. Sharing the cost of living expenses has allowed both of us, some financial freedom when other wise we would both really struggle. So, now, when there are new rivals on the scene, in this case her daughter’s husband and his family, she can see that she may lose out. ‘They’ can send you away and you will only be able to see the new happy family from afar; the outsider looking in,” says Byford.

Whatever conflicts you had with your children before are likely to resurface, although they may look different now that they’re adults. And your relationship is different because of it, but that doesn’t mean old patterns—particularly negative ones—should be part of the new living arrangement. You may not be “in charge” anymore, but so long as they’re living in your home, work toward a better relationship with honest, open communication.

Adult children don't distinguish between what we consider an innocent remark or desire to fix a problem, and parental control." This one felt odd to me, probably because I seldom, if ever, felt controlled. [One of my sisters felt differently here, so there's a difference in personality coming into play.] Are you struggling to connect with your child now that they've left the nest? Are you feeling the tension and heartache as your relationship dynamic begins to change? In Doing Life with Your Adult Children, bestselling author and parenting expert Jim Burns provides practical advice and hopeful encouragement for navigating this tough yet rewarding transition. This is where I'm at in my life. My kids are now adults. One has a family of his own in a little apartment not too far from his childhood home. The other still lives at home while he completes his college degree. They both have significant others and the oldest has blessed me with my first grandchild. As the mom I seem to be carrying the larger share of the work load, house cleaning, shopping and walking both of our dogs. What has changed and can someone get a mental illness but it only seems to be against parents, however dating or making new friends is not happening either. Thoughts. Thank you

Thank you for any help you can give me for knowing how to handle these conflicts and make our relationship more respectful. Speak words of grace. Leave loving messages without advice. Text positive statements. Cheer them on. Reflect grace of God.